you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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