I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
