win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
