I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
