It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
