i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
