Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
