Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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