oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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