I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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