A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
