Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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