Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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