Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize