This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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