dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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