I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
