am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
