In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
