I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
