his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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