I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
