I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Shame - the story of my life.
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