he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
