my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
As shirtless as possible
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
