So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
