you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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