You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We got so high we made milksteak
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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