I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
