I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
