If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
