I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My life is pants optional.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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