And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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