You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
