Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
