I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
