God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
3pm strippers are depressing
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
