Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
