GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
