I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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