If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
