my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
