# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
As shirtless as possible
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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