So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
