so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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