Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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