Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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