Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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