don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
