Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
