you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
