he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
