CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
