I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
