i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize