Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
