I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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