he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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