both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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