you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
