Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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