I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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