my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
