as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
