white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
